You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
