Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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