I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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