I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
