I just cut my nipple shaving
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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