So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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