I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
