I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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