it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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