I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
