I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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