gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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