I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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