my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
