we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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