If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Randomize
