low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
