Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
