did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
