how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
