And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
