the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
