She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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