Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
