If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His hands were made for my vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
