I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
