I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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