Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
