did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
