so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
