T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
