in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
