Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
