i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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