This girl is more easily done than said...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
