I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
