we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
