..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
