yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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