I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
