what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
