I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
