I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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