its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
