I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
