It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
