when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
