one might say we're banned from that church
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
