I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
