woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
